Keeping The Interest Alive..............

It has been long since I have posted something at this place but the world does not seem to be bothering too much. Anyway, without bothering too much about what exactly bothers the world, I just move on in desperation to write something...........

I have been following Pakistan's tour of England very closely and this implies a few things.

1.  I have nothing much to do these days.
2. Orkut scraps had died long back, eve(n) profile visits have stopped now.
3. India vs Sri Lanka test series is almost killing my interest in the game.

So coming back to Pakistan and its cricket, a few modifications in the rules of the game, essentially aimed
at the survival of Test Cricket in Pakistan :

1. Pak fielders donot have to catch the ball before it bounces on the ground. They can allow the
    ball to bounce once before catching to effect the dismissal of the batsman concerned.

2. The above rule applies to all the fielders except Kamran Akmal. ICC is not convinced about his
     ability to catch the ball on the first bounce. Hence the amendment for Kamran Akmal states that
     it is enough for Kamran Akmal to touch the ball with his gloves before the ball bounces twice, to
    effect the dismissal.

3. Its not mandatory for Pak batsmen to run between the wickets or clear the ropes to get some runs.
    Every ball they middle/edge/touch with the bat would give them a bonus run.

4. A Pak batsman must be dismissed twice to be sent to the pavilion. The first time he is genuinely dismissed,
    it will be referred to STEVE BUCKNOR, who is expected/supposed/assumed  to contradict it.
    ( This rule is Pak's version of UDRS. )

5.  Pakistan team is supposed to name a trump player every match, who would be retiring after that match.
     The score made by trump player would be doubled before adding it to the team score.

6. Once retired, a Pak player cannot represent Pakistan for the next 3 tests. This rule has been fomulated
    to avoid confusion vis-a-vis who retired when.

   After announcing the rules to the press, ICC Chief remarked :

  " I understand that these rules are not sufficient to ensure Pakistan beat Bangladesh. However I believe
  the only two brains in Pakistan, Imran Khan and Wasim Akram, would teach the players to utilise them
  efficiently to reduce the margins of defeats. Because at the end the day,  CRICKET has to win. "

  P.S. :
  More importantly, the Pak players need to understand that retiring from the game is not the 
  same as tiring on the field, and coming out of retirement is not akin to coming out of the
  dressing room.  Mr Imran and Mr.Wasim should educate their fellow countrymen regarding 
  the nuances of tiring and re-tiring , going-in and coming-out of retirements.


 

Team Meeting

The first test against South Africa ended in four days and the extra day gained was used in analysing the reasons at an emergency team meeting. My thoughts on what transpired there :


The  "performace analysis" meeting began with Dhoni stepping in. Most of the players were already present.

Dhoni : Hi guys, we are here to analyse your respective individual performances in the last test. So, all you guys have your notebooks?


All (in chorus) : Yes Sir!

Dhoni : Gary (Kirsten) , are you ready ?

Gary :  Ya ya, just downloading a new movie,  ya...,  1 GB  and this is India, so 3 hours.... ok yup, let us start dude.

Coach Gary still believes in the dossier by Paddy Upton !

Gary : OK, Gambhir.... what happened,  we had high expectations from you!

Gambhir: Actually Gary, I am not able to understand which way the ball was moving .

He almost started crying.  

Viru : How does it matter yaar ?  Just hit it man......... and if you dont connect, just say " ALL IS WELL". Forget it and move on...

Harbhajan Singh (Bhajji) entered the room just as Viru finished.

Bhajji : Sorry, I am late.

Dhoni thundered : Doosra kahan gaya ?

Bhajji (with all the innocence in the world) : (Amit) Mishra is in bathroom.

Dhoni (irritated)  :  I did not mean doosra bowler, I meant doosra delivery.

Bhajji : I actually bowled a lot of doosraas. But the pitch was so cracked up, even straight deliveries started turning.

Gary : Well.. this is a serious problem. You and Mishra will attend a presentation from Jumbo (Anil Kumble) on  " How to bowl straight spinners? "

Dhoni : Great idea, these are Jumbo wickets, you  bowl like a Sharne Warne here and you will get nightmares. 

Sachin liked the compliment, but restrained himself keeping

in mind the mood in the dressing room.

Gary : Viru! Why did you chase a delivery that pitched miles away ? 

Viru :   I loose concentration.

Dhoni : Takle pe thel lagaya kar. Mishra! iski maalish karade yaar.

Mishra had no option but to nod. " So sweet  Mishra! " , said Dhoni. 


Gary :  Viru! Chase only the balls that land on the pitch. Don't go for those that land on the grass.


Viru : Hmmmmmmmmmmm...........


Gary : Note it down!!!!!!!!!!

Dhoni : Viru will have nets and Ishanth will bowl at him. Ishanth! Bowl your natural deliveries that pitch on the grass and move away.

Viru and Ishanth : Ok.......

Gary turned towards Badrinath, Murli Vijay and Wridhiman Saha.

"You freshers... when a bowler bowls at you and the ball hits the stumps, you are actually out. Keep it in mind!"

"Appadia....." said Badrinath, on knowing the "Truth of his Life" .


Wridhiman Saha promptly noted the statement in his notebook.




Gary : Ok. We are almost done. Sachin! What are your inputs for the session?
            

Dhoni flashed his airhostess smile saying, "Please Sachin..".


Sachin said perhaps the most logical of all the said things in the meeting.


"I know a curator, a very good one.. Bal Thackeray..! He is the best curator in India.. from Aamchi Mumbai.  He "RE-DESIGNED" the Kotla pitch in 1999 and Jumbo took 10 wickets in an innings. Why don't we bring him at Eden Grdens?"


Bhajji got excited. Yeah yeah.. Jumbo used to tell me how good a curator he was. He was Jumbo's favourite. Get him in. I will take all the wickets.



The meeting supposed to analyse the fiasco ended on a feel-good note. 


PS : I admit I should have posted it before the second test began....... but I have been uncharacteristically busy :)

IPL again..........

Half way into the IPL 2 and we still donot know who will make it to the semis and who will not.
Yes. The optimist in me says KKR still has an outside chance if Sourav is handed over the captaincy and the coach confined to his hotel room. I take this blog as an opportunity to step out of the gloom that SRK has gifted to his die-hard fans by nodding to "multiple" mindless decisions taken by John Buchanan. My thoughts on the consequences for the loosing teams:

KKR
SRK sacks Buchanan and company. Rani Mukherji is appointed as the coach and Kajol will be the Manager, hoping that the chemistry extends on to the cricket field as well. Katrina Kaif becomes the Manager of the team (sensible move given how well she has been managing Salman Khan).

RCB
Kingfisher shuts down its airways. And the players have been assured of lucrative posts in the soon-to-be-launched Kingfisher AUTOS.

MUMBAI INDIANS
Sachin Tendulkar says, " I am not enjoying the captaincy ". Raj Thackeray accuses the North Indian players (Harbhajan Singh, Shikhar Dhawan) for the loss.

RAJASTHAN ROYALS
A sense of relief would prevail among all the viewers as Shilpa Shetty will no longer be giving her
thirty-two-teeth-visible smile. The lady has been the worst thing to have hapened to the IPL.
From her ugly smile to her fractured ( actually doctored) nose, and the worst part...
her discussing the pitch with Mandira Bedi. For someone who has been glued to cricket since 10 years of age , ( and I believe there are atleast 90 crores like "someone"), that was inhuman.
Anyway, I trust the long leg(s) of the lady would do no good to the team and we will soon be spared.

KINGS XI PUNJAB
Yuvraj would virtually kick all the players and Sreeshanth will have enough reasons to cry. Karan Johar is hoping that Preity Zinta gives him (Sreeshanth I mean...) company. He can use the footage in his upcoming films. By the way, the actress has already given three expressions in the IPL and the Bollywod directors are completely mesmerized by the never-seen-before versatility of her facial muscles.

CHENNAI SUPER KINGS
Karunanidhi has a REAL reason now to go on fast (not that anybody cares).

DELHI DAREDEVILS
Narendra Modi blames the UPA government for the loss. Advani calls SEHWAG a "weak captain".

P.S: DECCAN CHARGERS is missing and that is only because I want them to win . It should not be perceived as "lack of sufficient creativity" :P

INDIAN CHEERLEADERS LEAGUE (ICL)

Gripped by the IPL 2 fever, I take the responsibility of nominating cheer leaders for various teams a.k.a ICL :)

KOLKOTA KNIGHT RIDERS
SRK jumps enough and remembering GANGULY's shirt waving antics, I doubt they would need any profesional cheer-leader. Not to mention that SRK implies the superset of RANI MUKERJI, KARAN JOHAR and FARAH KHAN.

DECCAN CHARGERS
What does it take to cheer up a Hyderabadi? Biryaani, Mirchi, Irani chai.........
Can we have SANJEEV KAPOOR as a cheer-leader please ? Though I suspect CHIRANJEEVIand PAVAN KALYAN would voluntarily take up the roles (for a different reason though).

KINGS XI PUNJAB
I am forced to believe that they have a cheerleader in their own team. SREESHANTH! :P

MUMBAI INDIANS
RAJ THACKERAY! Not sure if he can cheer his kids up, but not a bad idea to keep him involved for a good two months.

DELHI DAREDEVILS
Given the form of Sehwag and Gambhir, cheer leader will have to dance non-stop.
AKSHAY KUMAR would do. DILLI TO DURBAN would make him richer than CHANDNI CHOWK TO CHINA. :P

RAJASTHAN ROYALS
12% stake does not come free. SHILPA SHETTY can play the dual (?) role of the cheer-leader.

ROYAL CHALLENGERS BANGALORE:
Given their performance last year, do they need any cheer-leader? :p
But the soporphics badly need someone to wake them up. A bunch of hostel wardens ringing bells after every over may help.

CHENNAI SUPER KINGS
ENNA RASKALAAA! Yes u got it! Get him to the stadium and I guess every viewer would turn into a cheer-leader. MIND IT.....:P

Coding in Testing

#include "stdio.h"
void main()
{
while(1)
printf("\n I HATE TESTING :( ");
}

PLAGIARISM

Found this in one of my friends's scrapbook.................

Exam == Agnipath
Classes == Kabhi Kabhi
Viva == Khamoshi
Examination Hall == Krishna Cottage
Examiner == Mrityudata
Course == GodZilla
Paper Correction == Andha Kaanoon
Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak
Question Paper == Paheli
Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz
Marks == One Two ka Four
Cheating == Hamesha
Last Exam == Main Azad Hoon
Result == Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander
Pass == God Tussi Great Ho
Fail == Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron
Vacations == Masti
Supplementary == Aakhri Rasta